Time to start getting warmed up for Friday!

An Irish daugher had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put her old mum thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... I became a protitute...."

"Ye what!!? Our of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, da -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for five million pounds. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition converatible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)...and an invitation for ye to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" suddenly asked dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff...a prostitute, da! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh, Be Jaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said ye became `a Protestant.' Come her and give yer old da a hug!"

St. Patrick's Day in St. Paul, Saturday in Belle Plaine celebrating St. Pat's Day for the second day.

Quote from: finsleft on March 13, 2006, 08:31:31 PM
tmerton- I looked at that link and saw the pileup but not the snow. Must've melted before the cameras got there. Just a trace of snow at Collegeville but TC and south got dumped on.

Snow doesn't stay long here, but I think you can see it in the picture at the top of this article: http://www.marinij.com/fastsearchresults/ci_3592955

Temps have been in the 30s and 40s here for the last couple of weeks - damn cold for this part of the world - plus some unusual weather.  Thunder and lightening is as rare here as snow, and we had both last Friday night, plus golf ball sized hail.  It's been interesting.  Last week when Duff said it was in the 50s in MN, our highs were in the 40s.

Quote from: tmerton on March 14, 2006, 10:24:16 AM
Snow doesn't stay long here, but I think you can see it in the picture at the top of this article: http://www.marinij.com/fastsearchresults/ci_3592955

Oh yeah, there's a flake. Hard to see because the snowflakes blend in with all the other flakes. 

It's official:  Culpepper goes to Miami for a second round draft pick...and a case of glorious Hamms.

Mongo:
Speaking of trades, if you can get one of these vests, I'll trade you a case of Hamm's for it...
http://articles.news.aol.com/sports/article.adp?id=20060313165209990014

Just got a notice from SJU that the 13th annual Johnnie-Tommie 3 on 3 Tournament will be held on Sat. March 25 at 10:00 a.m. at St. John's.

Anybody fessing up to being on TDT's team?

> 
>  Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a
>  pet dog which he loved and doted on.  After many long years
>  of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to
>  the parish priest:
> 
>  "Father, my dear old dog is dead.  Could you be saying a
>  mass for the creature?"
> 
>  Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about
>  your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services
>  for an animal in the church. However, there's a new
>  denomination down the road, no telling what they believe,
>  but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
> 
>  Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is
>  enough to donate  for the service?"
> 
>  Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was
>  Catholic?!"
> 

Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a known house of ill 
repute in Boston.  A Jewish Rabbi came walking down the street, looked the 
left, looked to right, and ducked into the house. 

Pat paused a bit from swinging his pick and said "Mike...will you look at 
that!  A man of the cloth, and going into a place like that in broad daylight!". 
A bit later, a Baptist minister came down the street, looked to the left, 
looked to the right, and scurried into the house. 

Mike layed down his shovel, turned to Pat and said "Pat!  Are you seeing what 
I'm seeing?  A man of the Church, and he's giving that place his custom!" 
Just then, a Catholic Priest came down the street, looked to the left, looked 
to the right, and slipped into the bawdy house. 

Pat and Mike straightened up, removed their hats, and Mike says "Faith, and 
there must be somebody sick in there." 
***************************************************************************

A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' 
with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do 
and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells 
barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother 
country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. 
Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man 
hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey 
for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin 
and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll 
be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for 
the pair of us. 

The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the 
pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley 
twins are here getting drunk again. 

************************************************************************** 
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning 
Finnegan. 

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. 

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman. 
     *      *      *        *        *        *           * 
************************************************************************** 
Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's 
obiturary.  She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word 
and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away.  She 
thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two 
dollars.  But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died."  The newsman said he 
thought old Pete deserved more  and he'd give her three more words at no extra
charge.  Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: 

"Pete died.  Boat for sale" 

Well, if everyone is gonna be posting jokes I suppose I can get in on the act too. And this one doesn't even involve TDT!

Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his new
Ford Excursion into an Irish gas station. An attendant greeted him in
typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro was. "Top of the mornin'  to
ya!" the Irishman smiled, doffing his cap. As Tiger got out of the
mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his pocket. "So what are those,  lad?" asked the attendant. "They're called tees," replied Tiger. "And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman. "Well, they're
for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger.

"AW! Jaysus,  Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at FORD  think of everything.!"

Irish Pub

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into
a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as
the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz
down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint
away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and
takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the
fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling,
Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"


********************************************************************
Irish Cemetery:

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling
home from the pub late one night and found themselves on
the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's
grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool,
it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got
to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see
what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
"Miles, from Dublin."

********************************************************************
Irish Miracle:

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections
back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

********************************************************************

Irish Accident:

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There
was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead
and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda ... no. Fact is, he got out three
times to pee."

********************************************************************

Irish Predicament:

Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers
into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down
but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest
pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
no paper on this side either.

********************************************************************

Irish Last Request:

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his
Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me,
did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"

Finsleft--my team has a game on friday too, but I'll see what I can do.   You're planning your Halloween costume in March, and I respect that

It's official:  Brees goes to New Orleans for millions and a truck of Newports.

Quote from: MongolianWarrior on March 14, 2006, 01:36:09 PM
It's official: Culpepper goes to Miami for a second round draft pick...and a case of glorious Hamms.

Goodbye and good riddance- don't know that I'd waste the Hamms on him- He's more of the PBR type

Goodbye and good riddance- don't know that I'd waste the Hamms on him- He's more of the PBR type

Quote

Maybe Olympia after last season's stats.

Is it wrong that I almost laughed outloud in class when I read this story?

Quote from: kiltedrat on March 14, 2006, 03:54:43 PM
Is it wrong that I almost laughed outloud in class when I read this story?

I rest a lot easier knowing our future physicians are f-ing around during class instead of paying attention!   

I do have to admit that just the headline prompted snickers from myself and several of my fellow educators.