FB: American Rivers Conference

[DBQ1965]

OK, I'm not generally one to post random jokes on here, but this one made me chuckle, so I thought I would share. (Didn't someone confess to being a Lion's fan a while back??)

2009 DETROIT LIONS SCHEDULE
September
13................. Taft Junior High School
20................Cub Scout Troop #101
27................ Detroit Blind Academy

October
04................Spanish American War Vets
11................Crippled Children's Home
18................ Eloise Mental Hospital
25................Girl Scout Troop # 353

November
01.................Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08.................Fraser Boys Choir
15.................Korean Amputees
22.................National Hospital Pastoral Ministers
26................ Great Lakes Sychronized Swimming Team
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December 08................. Grand Rapids Gay Boys Club

** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - When playing polio patients, the Lions must not disconnect knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Lions must not hide the football under their jerseys.

** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (This is when the ball is carried over the goal line, for all you Lions fans who have never seen this) is still worth 6 points.

2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.

3 - The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time.

4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.

5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.

** NAME CHANGE **
The Detroit Lions will be changed to the " Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

** COACHING CHANGES **
Field goal kicker will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few, but she certainly won't choke on the big ones!

Let's see ... humor at the expense of the blind, war veterans, crippled children (does that include my grandson with cerebral palsy?), amputees, ministers (my profession, by the way) and gays.  How did you spend your time in Pella, anyway?

[dutchfan1]

Let's see ... humor at the expense of the blind, war veterans, crippled children (does that include my grandson with cerebral palsy?), amputees, ministers (my profession, by the way) and gays.  How did you spend your time in Pella, anyway?

It seems to be humor at the expense of the Lions in favor of those groups you mentioned, but what do I know?

While in Pella, I learned to appreciate a good joke, and not to take life too seriously. It seems as though your time in Michigan may have had the opposite affect on you. I also learned to respect my elders, which prevents me from saying more on the matter. 

[Mr. Ypsi]

df1,

Hey, now, I've been in Michigan for 38+ years, and I liked it (minus the slur on Jason Hansen ).  But judging from DBQ1965's name, I probably must also defer to my elders (not too many around the boards! ) since I'm IWU1970.

[doolittledog]

Central releases their 2009 football schedule.

http://www.central.edu/athletics/football/schedule.html

Sept. 12th is listed as TBA

Once again the opening weekend of conference play finds a Central/Wartburg matchup.  The Dutch end their season at Dubuque.

That could say that the IIAC sees Central as an also-ran and figures to schedule the Dutch/Wartburg game at the beginning of the season instead of at the end...OR...the conference sees Coach Z at Dubuque as leading his team to the top of the conference so they have scheduled a UD/Central match up to end the season, figuring that will be the likely title game

For those that don't want to follow the link

Sept. 5th @ Lakeland
Sept. 12th TBA 
Sept. 19th @ Wartburg
Sept. 26th Coe
Oct. 3rd Cornell
Oct. 10th @ Simpson
Oct. 17th Luther
Oct. 24th @ Loras
Oct. 31st Buena Vista
Nov. 7th @ Dubuque

That would mean Central is the team that plays 10 straight weeks and gets the week 11 bye this year...or...the Central schedule or Luther schedule is wrong...because both schools say they play @ Dubuque on Nov. 7th   I wonder if Nov. 7th is the Central bye and they just messed up???

[Klopenhiemer]

OK, I'm not generally one to post random jokes on here, but this one made me chuckle, so I thought I would share. (Didn't someone confess to being a Lion's fan a while back??)

2009 DETROIT LIONS SCHEDULE
September
13................. Taft Junior High School
20................Cub Scout Troop #101
27................ Detroit Blind Academy

October
04................Spanish American War Vets
11................Crippled Children's Home
18................ Eloise Mental Hospital
25................Girl Scout Troop # 353

November
01.................Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08.................Fraser Boys Choir
15.................Korean Amputees
22.................National Hospital Pastoral Ministers
26................ Great Lakes Sychronized Swimming Team
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December 08................. Grand Rapids Gay Boys Club

** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - When playing polio patients, the Lions must not disconnect knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Lions must not hide the football under their jerseys.

** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (This is when the ball is carried over the goal line, for all you Lions fans who have never seen this) is still worth 6 points.

2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.

3 - The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time.

4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.

5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.

** NAME CHANGE **
The Detroit Lions will be changed to the " Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

** COACHING CHANGES **
Field goal kicker will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few, but she certainly won't choke on the big ones!

Let's see ... humor at the expense of the blind, war veterans, crippled children (does that include my grandson with cerebral palsy?), amputees, ministers (my profession, by the way) and gays.  How did you spend your time in Pella, anyway?

I think you failed to point out that the humor was also coming at the expense of people with STD's (its never their fault) and junior high boys (we all know they are all angels)

[Alfredeneumann]

Is anyone planning on attending the DIII wrestling nationals at the US Cellular Center.  I'm really amped about going this year.  It is a great place to watch wrestling. Not a bad seat in the house!

Go Kohawks!

The lastest National Wrestling rating are out
Wartburg   1st
Coe          4th
Cornell    11th
Luther     15th
Dubuque  26th

Everyone stayed pretty much as they were in Dec.

[coocooforcoekohawk]

Let's see ... humor at the expense of the blind, war veterans, crippled children (does that include my grandson with cerebral palsy?), amputees, ministers (my profession, by the way) and gays.  How did you spend your time in Pella, anyway?

It seems to be humor at the expense of the Lions in favor of those groups you mentioned, but what do I know?

While in Pella, I learned to appreciate a good joke, and not to take life too seriously. It seems as though your time in Michigan may have had the opposite affect on you. I also learned to respect my elders, which prevents me from saying more on the matter. 

Wow, almost a C-C-C-Cat Fight

[doolittledog]

Dubuque releases their 2009 schedule.  That has to be about the earliest they have ever done that. 

http://www.dbq.edu/udathletics/football.cfm

Sept. 5th @ Rockford 1PM
Sept. 12th UW-Platteville 7PM
Sept. 19th Central 1PM
Sept. 26th @ Cornell 1PM
Oct. 3rd @ Coe 1PM
Oct. 10th Loras 1PM
Oct. 17th @ Simpson 1PM
Oct. 24th Wartburg 1PM
Oct. 31st  BYE
Nov. 7th Luther
Nov. 14th @ Buena Vista

So Dubuque says they play Central on Sept. 19th...Central says they play Wartburg on the 19th.  Central says they play Dubuque on Nov. 7th.  Dubuque and Luther both say they play each other that day. 

[coco]

Aw, come on. It was a joke. Sometimes the PC stuff gets taken too far and we all need to lighten up a little.

I thought it was funny, DF1, but then my wife and I know you personally and I know that while you have a great sense of humor, you would never be unkind to another person or hurt anyone's feelings.

[Wartburg Fan]

 Quick question cause I'm confused ( but that not hard to do) but does Central play Wartburg and Dubuque on the 19th. If so you get the first team and who get the second ?

[5 Words or Less]

AF2 news: Green Bay signed Tyler Sherden

[warthog]

coco:

A couple more posts and our dear friend, DF1, will be ready to take over as the Wartburg quarterback. 

[warthog]

Any word out of the Key City what former Spartan head football coach, Vince B., has cooking.  I have to believe there are some teams out there that need a coach who has proven he can rebuild a program from ashes. 

[OzJohnnie]

Is anyone planning on attending the DIII wrestling nationals at the US Cellular Center.  I'm really amped about going this year.  It is a great place to watch wrestling. Not a bad seat in the house!

Go Kohawks!

The lastest National Wrestling rating are out
Wartburg   1st
Coe          4th
Cornell    11th
Luther     15th
Dubuque  26th

Everyone stayed pretty much as they were in Dec.

Johnnies are at #9.    Don't forget them...

Auggies are at #2.  If you see them hitching on the side of the road, don't forget to open the passenger door as you zoom by.

[coocooforcoekohawk]

coco:

A couple more posts and our dear friend, DF1, will be ready to take over as the Wartburg quarterback. 

BEST POST OF 2009!