FB: American Rivers Conference

[Charlie Kohawk]

So Charlie... how do you figure it'll be a beatdown?  I'd say to STILL throw everything out the window.  In your estimation, a HUGELY more talented team put up 4 points less and only 70 more yards against the Knights.  And THAT is coming when they should've been ridiculously PUMPED to stick it to their former teammate (and for T to actually take it to his former school).  Just to take off the orange blinders... you had equal performance against the Dutch also on offense with the Kohawks scoring 3 more points than Cornell was able to put up and putting up 35 extra yards.  So throw everything out the window... it is Coe/Cornell this week, and it'll be a game whether you like it or not.

Fair points D2. But I've reviewed the year-to-date stats (I included non-conference games in fairness to Cornell) and while Coe leads in nearly every category, including all the important ones, two jump out at me. Scoring defense: Coe 15.9 ppg, Cornell 37.2. Turnover margin: Coe +13, Cornell -18. 

[Purple Heys]

A little Coe trivia:

Coe students couldn't spell the school name unless you spotted them the "C" and the "O"

[Purple Heys]

On to next week and our game in the slums against the Kochickens!!!

Bring it Barney! Normally I say throw out the stats when these two meet, but not this time. It's gonna be a beat down.

P.S. Have you ever even been to CR? I've lived in your fair city so I know our "slums" don't measure up.

Yeah, but we've got a real beach.

[Charlie Kohawk]

A little Coe trivia:

Coe students couldn't spell the school name unless you spotted them the "C" and the "O"

Actually, you'd only have to spot the "E". They'd get "C" and "O" phonetically.

[Purple Heys]

More Coe trivia:

School founders wanted to use the name Cornell.

Realized their students couldn't get past "E" in the alphabet.

[Charlie Kohawk]

On to next week and our game in the slums against the Kochickens!!!

Bring it Barney! Normally I say throw out the stats when these two meet, but not this time. It's gonna be a beat down.

P.S. Have you ever even been to CR? I've lived in your fair city so I know our "slums" don't measure up.

Yeah, but we've got a real beach.

And transvestite prostitutes.

[Purple Heys]

A little Coe trivia:

Coe students couldn't spell the school name unless you spotted them the "C" and the "O"

Actually, you'd only have to spot the "E". They'd get "C" and "O" phonetically.

Never heard of Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson's assessment of Terry Bradshaw's mental acuity?

[Charlie Kohawk]

I'm stealing here, but what can I do with the writers on strike? 

What does the Cornell defense have in common with a tampon?


--They don't have a 2nd string, they're only good for one period, and they
can only plug one hole at a time. 

[Charlie Kohawk]

More Coe trivia:

School founders wanted to use the name Cornell.

Realized their students couldn't get past "E" in the alphabet.

That's just stupid when you consider "O", "R" and "N" all come after "E". Maybe they haven't gotten to that course yet.

[Purple Heys]

On to next week and our game in the slums against the Kochickens!!!

Bring it Barney! Normally I say throw out the stats when these two meet, but not this time. It's gonna be a beat down.

P.S. Have you ever even been to CR? I've lived in your fair city so I know our "slums" don't measure up.

Yeah, but we've got a real beach.

And transvestite prostitutes.

Preferred recreation by Eddie Murphy

[Purple Heys]

More Coe trivia:

School founders wanted to use the name Cornell.

Realized their students couldn't get past "E" in the alphabet.

That's just stupid when you consider "O", "R" and "N" all come after "E". Maybe they haven't gotten to that course yet.

Too many ales...

[Purple Heys]

More Coe trivia:

School founders wanted to use the name Cornell.

Realized their students couldn't get past "E" in the alphabet.

That's just stupid when you consider "O", "R" and "N" all come after "E". Maybe they haven't gotten to that course yet.

Too many ales...

Don't smack and drink.

[Charlie Kohawk]

One last thing, and I'll call it a night. Coe's defense isn't very good. The D-line -- are you kidding me? They keep rotating guys in looking for someone, anyone capable of making a play. The linebackers -- inexperienced or invalid. I mean, one has a cast and the other two are mere sophomores. And the d-backs -- holy cow! They're almost never in the right place at the right time, and they don't really like to tackle. It's probably going to be another one of those 66-63 affairs.

[Purple Heys]

More Coe trivia:

Q:  Why did Coe install artificial turf in the off season?

A:  Overgrazing by their cheerleaders was a constant problem.

[Purple Heys]

It was reported that Coe head football coach Erik Raeburn will only be dressing twenty players for the Cornell game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.