FB: American Rivers Conference

[the_mayne_event]

I will be coaching running backs and linebackers at jefferson

Were you in Pella this past week? You're TE looks to be a pretty good player. Also had a LB that lit up one of our young FB's a couple times. Our JV coach got a kick out of it so kept calling iso. Maybe toughen the kid up a little.

he is a very good player... getting some looks by some D1 schools.

[Kohawk Remedy]

Former FB Ashton Northern will be a GA at Wabash with Raubern as well this year.  I believe he also offered the Defense Cord. job to Phantz, but turned it down because he had already accepted a job at central...damn Dutch!

[Kohawk Remedy]

Former FB Ashton Northern will be a GA at Wabash with Raubern as well this year.  I believe he also offered the Defense Cord. job to Phantz, but turned it down because he had already accepted a job at central...damn Dutch!

someone should still be kicking Chandler in the head for not hiring Phantz as an assistant with how good of a recruiter he is...now he's stealing kids for the dutch....thanks chandler!

[Fannosaurus Rex]

The people at the Princeton Review, who put together the list of the top 15 Party Schools, obviously never attended a Dutch Hollow Woodsy.  I'm guessing if the list went deeper, we would see Central at 16th.

[DutchFan2004]

Former FB Ashton Northern will be a GA at Wabash with Raubern as well this year.  I believe he also offered the Defense Cord. job to Phantz, but turned it down because he had already accepted a job at central...damn Dutch!

I can not think of a better place for him to recruit players to.   

[Kohawk Remedy]

The people at the Princeton Review, who put together the list of the top 15 Party Schools, obviously never attended a Dutch Hollow Woodsy.  I'm guessing if the list went deeper, we would see Central at 16th.

let's get real...we all know Central would be on the list of most cold stone sober schools!

[dutchfan1]

The people at the Princeton Review, who put together the list of the top 15 Party Schools, obviously never attended a Dutch Hollow Woodsy.  I'm guessing if the list went deeper, we would see Central at 16th.

let's get real...we all know Central would be on the list of most cold stone sober schools!

Yeah, it's really a shame that the administrators at Central have never prescribed to the Buffalo Theory, which goes something like this:

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[Walston Hoover]

I had a friend in school that I'm not kidding, started speaking in Spanish when he was drunk. Not great Spanish, mind you, but much more than he claimed to know sober.

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[dutchfan1]

I had a friend in school that I'm not kidding, started speaking in Spanish when he was drunk. Not great Spanish, mind you, but much more than he claimed to know sober.

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

What's that phrase.... "a few beers smarter"??

[sportsknight]

Whatever happened to former Wartburg head coach Steve Hagen?  I know he was with the Browns here a couple years back, but have no idea where he's gone since then.

Never mind.  Just Googled him and he's the tight ends coach at North Carolina this year.  Here's his resume since leaving Wartburg:
Resume
Years               Title                                                                 Location
2007-Present  Tight Ends Coach                                            North Carolina
2006               Offensive Coordinator & Quarterback Coach   Fresno State
2001-2004      Tight Ends Coach & Quarterback Coach          Cleveland Browns
1999-2000      Offensive Coordinator & Quarterback Coach   California
1997-1998      Quarterback Coach & Recruiting Coordinator  San Jose St.
1996               Head Coach                                                     Wartburg College

Seeing a guy being in so many places for such short times makes you wonder about him a little.  Not all those jobs are up.

Especially when you figure that he was out of coaching altogether in '05.  There must be a few guys out there that owe him favors or something.

[the_mayne_event]

Former FB Ashton Northern will be a GA at Wabash with Raubern as well this year.  I believe he also offered the Defense Cord. job to Phantz, but turned it down because he had already accepted a job at central...damn Dutch!

someone should still be kicking Chandler in the head for not hiring Phantz as an assistant with how good of a recruiter he is...now he's stealing kids for the dutch....thanks chandler!

$$$... Coe doesnt offer any...

[Walston Hoover]

$$$... Coe doesnt offer any...

I heard that's why they had to "settle" on Staker. They had plenty of finalists that were interested, but when it came down to $$$, Coe wasn't offering a whole lot. Its a lot cheaper to promote from within as far as salary is concerned than it is to lure someone away from another school.

[sportsknight]

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Nice work df1.  I wish I was a bit older so more of the jokes made sense to me when I used to watch that show.  When you figure that it went off the air on my tenth birthday, I think there was plenty that probably went over my head.

Speaking of party school rankings, what's everyone think the IIAC would look like if included in Princeton's ratings?  I'd probably break it down like so:
1.  Coe (more bars in the area plus Flunk Day earns plenty of points)
2.  Loras (I first learned the idea of a "keg race" from friends that went to Lorass)
3.  Wartburg (3 bars within 2 blocks of campus is a big number for a town the size of Waverly, plus the dorm bashes are usually pretty packed too)
4.  BV (Watch their basketball student section some time and you'll get an idea for the level of drinking that goes on)
5.  Luther (I think the potential is there for Luther to be higher on the list)
6.  Simpson (Might have been in the top 2 during the late 90s if some of the stories my cousins tell me)
7.  Dubuque (Even though it sits in one of the best beer towns in Iowa, I just don't think of UD as a party school)
8.  Central (I think the ratio of students that drink to those that do at Central is probably the exact opposite as it is at Wartburg or Loras)
9.  Cornell (I've never heard Cornell party stories...not once.  Just sayin')

[Walston Hoover]

1.  BV (Watching the "Loud, Proud, Plowed" Beaver den and besides, what else is there to do in Storm Lake besides the women?
2.  Loras (Catholic School, what else do you expect)
3.  Wartburg (Joe's? U Bet. Not much tops keggers in the showers of the Res during May term)
4.  Luther (I've been there, they party, not as much as Wartburg, but there is no lack of partying. Music people=hard partying, believe it or not)
5.  Coe (Haven't experienced a weekend there. Just going by what I hear. If its anything like the atmosphere at football games, they should be a lot lower on the list)
6.  UD (I know people who went there, they graduated with far less brain cells than they started with)
7. Central (The Turkey shoot ranks right up there. Some people that I hang with now that went to Central drink me under the table. I think they are making up for the rest of the student body)
8.  Simpson (No one is around on the weekends. Probably the #1 suitcase school in the conference. Anyone who is around heads to DSM on Saturday night.
9.  Cornell (Too busy winning football games. Oh, wait I should say talking about winning football games.)

[the_mayne_event]

$$$... Coe doesnt offer any...

I heard that's why they had to "settle" on Staker. They had plenty of finalists that were interested, but when it came down to $$$, Coe wasn't offering a whole lot. Its a lot cheaper to promote from within as far as salary is concerned than it is to lure someone away from another school.

exactly... i know what the numbers are for teh coaching staff and such, won't share them on here, but lets just say i understand why teh other coaches turned it down