FB: American Rivers Conference

[sportsknight]

How do you know a Luther student is straight?
If he can outrun his roommate.

How do you break a Luther student's finger?
Punch him in the nose.
How do you break his sister's jaw?
Kick him in the crotch.

A Wartburg fan, a Central fan, and a Luther fan all died and went to heaven. But, they were each told that due to certain things they had done, they had to receive a little punishment. Their punishment would be determined by which of three doors they chose.
The Knight chose door #1 and walked into a room with a angry bear. He heard a voice overhead, "Wartburg Willie, you have sinned. You will spend the rest of eternity being mauled by this bear."
Then the Dutchman chose door #3 and walked into a room filled with poisonous snakes.  He heard a voice overheard, "Central Clyde, you have sinned. You will spend the rest of eternity being bit by these poisonous snakes."
So the Luther fan took the only door left, #2. He walked in to find a huge, king sized bed with silk sheets and feather pillows. The room was the most exquisite he had ever seen. He turned and saw none other than Jessica Alba. He was just about to get excited when he heard a voice overhead,"Jessica Alba, you have sinned . . ."

A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Luther joke.
"Listen buddy," the bartender growled, "See those two big guys on your left?  They were both linemen on the Norse football team.  And that huge fellow on your right was an All-American wrestler at Luther.  That guy in the corner is Luther's all-time champion weight lifter.  And I lettered in three sports for the Norse.  Now, are you absolutely positive you want to tell your joke here?"
"Nah, guess not," the man replied.  "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

There's a break in the action at the Iowa Conference wrestling tournament and a Wartburg fan, a Luther fan, and a Loras fan all head to the men's room at the same time.  All three of them are there at the urinals, until the Luther fan finishes up, walks over to the sinks and starts furiously scrubbing his hands with soap and warm water.  The other two notice and ask him what he's doing.  The Luther fan says "Well, I went to Luther, where we were taught that cleanliness is next to godliness, so we should spare no expense to try to make ourselves as much like God as we can."
Next the Loras fan finishes up and heads over to another sink.  He turns the water on and lets it run over his hands for a few minutes.  The Luther fan asks why he washes his hands like that.  The Loras fan replies "Well I went to Loras, where we were taught to use our resources wisely and to conserve whenever possible."
Then the Wartburg fan finishes, zips up, and walks straight for the door.  Seeing the astonished looks on the faces of the other two, he looks at them and says "Yeah, well I went to Wartburg, where they taught us to not piss on our hands!"

[sc_stormchaser]

Firecracker at Upper Iowa. I don't know what's the funnier part of the article, locking down a campus because of a firecracker or stating that UIU has 6,000 students.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20081031/NEWS/81031015

[kohawkfan]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

[warthog]

sc_stormchaser:

Just another example of The Des Moines Register's cracker jack reporting.  There is no need to check facts.  If you excluded Oelwein, there may not be 6,000 people in the rest of Fayette County.  Hells bells, The Register staff wouldn't even be good contributors to this board.

[doolittledog]

Firecracker at Upper Iowa. I don't know what's the funnier part of the article, locking down a campus because of a firecracker or stating that UIU has 6,000 students.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20081031/NEWS/81031015

I have a family member that works for Ashford University in Clinton.  He keeps telling us they have 18,000 students and plan to be bigger than UI and ISU within a few years.  When pressed, he will then admit that they have 600 students on campus and all the others are on-line students...but he will never volunteer that info.  He was also unaware that Ashford wasn't in the IIAC.  I didn't bring up football because I'm not sure he knows they don't have a football team

[warthog]

In defense of The Register I just looked at the UIU web-site.  They do claim to have 6,000 students, but that includes on-line students and store front "campuses" in places like Milwaukee, Hing Kong, Singapore and Des Moines.  I'd guess the reporter Googled "Upper Iowa" and read the enrollment information in the first sentence.  You have to be able to read a whole paragraph to determine where the 6,000 number comes from.

[warthog]

Speaking of UIU's Des Moines campus; where & what is it?  I see on I-235 it rates a sign as big as the one for Drake. 

[sc_stormchaser]

Speaking of UIU's Des Moines campus; where & what is it?  I see on I-235 it rates a sign as big as the one for Drake. 

I think their "campus" is in an office building in West Des Moines. For some reason I think it's over by the Val Air, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm amazed that their stupid street sign is as big as Drake's.

[Klopenhiemer]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

Hey atleast a 5 year old know what the hell our mascott is.  What the hell is a KoHawk anyway.  Oh wait...You will just lead me to some historical site about how Coe wanted to me like Iowa and all that malarky.  Atleast ours is original.  I hope the Beavers mop the floor with the KoHawks tomorrow. 

[Wartburg Fan]

 Will wish everyone in the IIAC good luck Saturday except for Luther and hope for no serious injuries. Hoping to catch part of the Luther/Wartburg game but unsure as I'm going to go to Ankeny and watch my granddaughter play basketball.

[Walston Hoover]

Their Ankeny campus is just south of my house. A small office building no bigger than my own.
I thought they had a downtown campus but I'm not sure.

Speaking of UIU's Des Moines campus; where & what is it?  I see on I-235 it rates a sign as big as the one for Drake. 

I think their "campus" is in an office building in West Des Moines. For some reason I think it's over by the Val Air, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm amazed that their stupid street sign is as big as Drake's.

[kohawkfan]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

Hey, at (space) least a 5 year old know (knows would be the correct tense) what the hell our mascott (only one "t", Sport) is.  What the hell is a KoHawk anyway. (ever heard of a question mark?)  Oh wait...You will just lead me to some historical site about how Coe wanted to me (I think you mean "be") like Iowa and all that malarky.  At (space) least ours is original.  I hope the Beavers mop the floor with the KoHawks tomorrow.  (AND I hope you didn't get an English degree from BV.) 

FYI:
The History of the Kohawk
In 1922, the Coe Athletic Council began the quest for a mascot.  ...C.W. Perkins, chairman of the German Dept., developed the Kohawk name.  In a letter, he explained that "Hawks" represent Iowa, the Hawkeye State.  In a Native American language, "ko" means "like the", so the nickname means "like the hawks".  His suggestion was put to a student vote and was accepted in November 1922.

Here is the illustrious history of YOUR mascot:

The origins of the Beaver as Buena Vista's mascot go back to the early 1900s, when the football team was called the "BVers".  In the spring of 1921, a Buena Vista student combined that nickname with then-popular soft drink "Bevo" to create the nickname "the Beavers". 
In the 1940s through 1960s, the Beaver mascot was called Mr. Chips and Bucky, but eventually he became known as Buford T. Beaver. 

[Klopenhiemer]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

Hey, at (space) least a 5 year old know (knows would be the correct tense) what the hell our mascott (only one "t", Sport) is.  What the hell is a KoHawk anyway. (ever heard of a question mark?)  Oh wait...You will just lead me to some historical site about how Coe wanted to me (I think you mean "be") like Iowa and all that malarky.  At (space) least ours is original.  I hope the Beavers mop the floor with the KoHawks tomorrow.  (AND I hope you didn't get an English degree from BV.) 

FYI:
The History of the Kohawk
In 1922, the Coe Athletic Council began the quest for a mascot.  ...C.W. Perkins, chairman of the German Dept., developed the Kohawk name.  In a letter, he explained that "Hawks" represent Iowa, the Hawkeye State.  In a Native American language, "ko" means "like the", so the nickname means "like the hawks".  His suggestion was put to a student vote and was accepted in November 1922.

Here is the illustrious history of YOUR mascot:

The origins of the Beaver as Buena Vista's mascot go back to the early 1900s, when the football team was called the "BVers".  In the spring of 1921, a Buena Vista student combined that nickname with then-popular soft drink "Bevo" to create the nickname "the Beavers". 
In the 1940s through 1960s, the Beaver mascot was called Mr. Chips and Bucky, but eventually he became known as Buford T. Beaver. 

You just proved my point.  Thank you! 

[Kohawk Krazy]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

Hey, at (space) least a 5 year old know (knows would be the correct tense) what the hell our mascott (only one "t", Sport) is.  What the hell is a KoHawk anyway. (ever heard of a question mark?)  Oh wait...You will just lead me to some historical site about how Coe wanted to me (I think you mean "be") like Iowa and all that malarky.  At (space) least ours is original.  I hope the Beavers mop the floor with the KoHawks tomorrow.  (AND I hope you didn't get an English degree from BV.) 

FYI:
The History of the Kohawk
In 1922, the Coe Athletic Council began the quest for a mascot.  ...C.W. Perkins, chairman of the German Dept., developed the Kohawk name.  In a letter, he explained that "Hawks" represent Iowa, the Hawkeye State.  In a Native American language, "ko" means "like the", so the nickname means "like the hawks".  His suggestion was put to a student vote and was accepted in November 1922.

Here is the illustrious history of YOUR mascot:

The origins of the Beaver as Buena Vista's mascot go back to the early 1900s, when the football team was called the "BVers".  In the spring of 1921, a Buena Vista student combined that nickname with then-popular soft drink "Bevo" to create the nickname "the Beavers". 
In the 1940s through 1960s, the Beaver mascot was called Mr. Chips and Bucky, but eventually he became known as Buford T. Beaver. 

So technically, the BV Beavers, aren't really "Beavers."  They are a combination of two words, just like the Kohawks.

[kohawkfan]

Just wanna show a little love and give a big "shout out" to the Kohawks!  Tomorrow is the last game   within the friendly confines of Clark Field for the seniors.  Want to extend "kudos" to #2, #18, #41, #47, #53,  #94, #99 -from the dark side.  I have to say it again: You guys rock!Let's shake things up on Saturday, Kohawks!  Beat BV!  
Seriously, who names their team after primarily nocturnal, semi-aquatic rodents known for building dams??    

Best of luck and let's all hope for an injury free Saturday.  Go Kohawks!        

Hey, at (space) least a 5 year old know (knows would be the correct tense) what the hell our mascott (only one "t", Sport) is.  What the hell is a KoHawk anyway. (ever heard of a question mark?)  Oh wait...You will just lead me to some historical site about how Coe wanted to me (I think you mean "be") like Iowa and all that malarky.  At (space) least ours is original.  I hope the Beavers mop the floor with the KoHawks tomorrow.  (AND I hope you didn't get an English degree from BV.) 

FYI:
The History of the Kohawk
In 1922, the Coe Athletic Council began the quest for a mascot.  ...C.W. Perkins, chairman of the German Dept., developed the Kohawk name.  In a letter, he explained that "Hawks" represent Iowa, the Hawkeye State.  In a Native American language, "ko" means "like the", so the nickname means "like the hawks".  His suggestion was put to a student vote and was accepted in November 1922.

Here is the illustrious history of YOUR mascot:

The origins of the Beaver as Buena Vista's mascot go back to the early 1900s, when the football team was called the "BVers".  In the spring of 1921, a Buena Vista student combined that nickname with then-popular soft drink "Bevo" to create the nickname "the Beavers". 
In the 1940s through 1960s, the Beaver mascot was called Mr. Chips and Bucky, but eventually he became known as Buford T. Beaver. 

So technically, the BV Beavers, aren't really "Beavers."  They are a combination of two words, just like the Kohawks.

Correct, Kohawk Krazy!  This point just passed several feet over Klopenhiemer's head.   
Partly named for a soft drink "Bevo" and the moniker "BVers"  = "Bevors"  aka *Beavers*. 
Go Kohawks!  Beat the Bevors!