Future of Division III

[Mr. Ypsi]

As Clark Kerr (president of the University of California system) famously put it 40 years ago (paraphrased):

College presidents need only provide three things to keep everyone happy:

Sex for the students
Parking for the faculty
Athletics for the alumni

They AIN'T gonna neglect #3 TOO much if they want to keep their jobs!

[Coach C]

Warren -

I was trying to refrain from the eggheads vs the jocks thing, but i think that is part of the issue here.

C

[Coach C]

Mr. Ypsi -

I think they are pretty smart people.  They arent neglecting athletics, they are 'reforming' mathletics.  they leave just enough intact for the alumni to root for.

C

[Gregory Sager]

As Clark Kerr (president of the University of California system) famously put it 40 years ago (paraphrased):

College presidents need only provide three things to keep everyone happy:

Sex for the students
Parking for the faculty
Athletics for the alumni

They AIN'T gonna neglect #3 TOO much if they want to keep their jobs!

Maybe if they changed it up and provided sex for the alumni they could do a better job of boosting the endowment figures. 

[Warren Thompson]

As Clark Kerr (president of the University of California system) famously put it 40 years ago (paraphrased):

College presidents need only provide three things to keep everyone happy:

Sex for the students
Parking for the faculty
Athletics for the alumni

They AIN'T gonna neglect #3 TOO much if they want to keep their jobs!

Maybe if they changed it up and provided sex for the alumni they could do a better job of boosting the endowment figures. 

Greg:

How do we know they don't? 

[Gregory Sager]

WT, you're not hinting about shenanigans at Lebanon Valley, now, are you? 

[Warren Thompson]

GS:

Nah, we keep our alums happy with bologna, scrapple, and shoo-fly pie. Plus, the really big sugar-daddy donors get to sit next to Hot Dog Frank in the Peace Garden.

[Coach C]

Are we assuming that the Faculty don't want sex?  Just the students and alumni?  Warren - care to comment?

C

[Warren Thompson]

Coach C:

My lips are   .

[David Collinge]

So if students are sleeping with faculty, does that mean alumni get both parking and athletics?    

[Warren Thompson]

DC:

Not at Lebanon Valley ... we're Methodist-related, you see.

[Coach C]

So Methodists don't have sex?  Then where do baby Methodists come from?  Do they just sprout anew each spring?

C

[Warren Thompson]

Coach C:

I ain't gonna go there, not nohow, not never! Nor will I tell where baby Lutherans come from ....

[Knightstalker]

Didn't you know?  Methodists are perennials, just plant one and you get a bunch every spring.  Lutherans are annuals, you have to plant new ones every year.  Both are grown organically by the Amish.

If the students are getting sex from faculty in the parking lot, who are the alumni watching play the sports and where do they park?

[Gregory Sager]

Didn't you know? Methodists are perennials, just plant one and you get a bunch every spring.

Unfortunately, they do not grow to perfection. 

Lutherans are annuals, you have to plant new ones every year.

Best grown in very cold climates. Fertilize copiously with jello mold.

Both are grown organically by the Amish.

... and then sold at robber-baron prices to the unsuspecting "English".

If the students are getting sex from faculty in the parking lot, who are the alumni watching play the sports and where do they park?

Alumni's on second. Parking's on third.