FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[Retired Old Rat]

Glenn Caruso, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Tommie flag  in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Glenn," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

Glenn felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a red and white sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous SJU flag, and in every window, an SJU symbol.

Glenn looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach, I went to the D3 playoffs twice, and I turned around the Tommie's entire program."

God said, "So what do you want to know, Glenn?"

"Well, why does John Gagliardi get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said, "Glenn, that's not John's house, it's mine."

____________________________________________________________________________

[Retired Old Rat]

One foggy night a Johnnie was heading south and a Tommie was driving north. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling
both cars.

The Tommie climbs out of his car and surveys the damage.

He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive."

Likewise, the Johnnie gets out of his car uninjured. He, too, feels fortunate to have survived.

The Tommie walks over to the Johnnie and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Johnnie thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Johnnie pops open the trunk of his car and removes an undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Tommie, "I think this is another sign that we should toast to our newfound friendship."

The Tommie agrees and grabs the bottle. After downing half the bottle, the Tommie hands the bottle back to the Johnnie and says, "Your turn."

The Johnnie calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws it over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

[USTBench]

After a long day of panhandling, a toothless Johnnie was in a local Wal-Mart trying to figure out which flavor of Listerine would get him the drunkest, when a man who could read walked by, the Johnnie asked "Excuth me thir, ith there alcohol in thith?"

The man replied "Yes, as a matter of fact there is. By the way, with all of your panhandling outside of the store, when did you find the time to eat a diaper you found on the sidewalk?"

Overwhelmed at the amount of two and three syllable words, the Johnnie had a seizure and died right on the floor of the Wal-Mart.

As the man was morbidly obese, the only people large enough to serve as his pallbearers were some women from the sister school to his alma mater, St. Benedicts, 3 of whom were late after attending a cheese eating contest in Racine, Wisconsin.

The eulogy was delivered by his old football coach, John Gagliardi, misty-eyed the old coach summoned the strength and, lip quivering, started "Tom Linnemann was a heck of a quarterback..." (stop me if you've heard this one)

[218Tommie]

What's the difference between a rock and a Johnnie?
The rock has uses.  Probably my only joke that is fit for these boards the rest would get me kicked off and make me look like TDT

[Retired Old Rat]

What do you get if you see a Tommie fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand!

[Retired Old Rat]

Two St. Thomas scholars were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks.
The first U$T scholar said "Those are deer tracks."
The second one said "Nope, they're too big for deer tracks. They must be elk tracks."
As the debate raged on they were hit by a train.

[USTBench]

An SJU alum was trying to make fun of UST with recycled blonde jokes from the 80s, when all of the sudden...

[SJU60TX]

The Monday Morning Quarterback thing disgusts me. If you watch that and think used car salesman Glenny C is interested in keeping his roots at UST you are crazy. If he grew his hair out I'm sure it would have him looking like Don King, the only man who self promotes more than he.

So you are acknowledging that you tune in to MMQB...LOVE IT! I have a sneaky suspicion it's not GC's "self promotion" that is bothering you. Call the motives what you may, MMQB is an asset for all things UST.

Good luck on Saturday!

I have no problem with a SCHOOL taking advantage of opportunities to raise its profile. Marketing now plays a huge role in how schools communicate with students and seek prospects. After all, SJU's athletic director came from the marketing side of the sports office before joining administration.

My thing with the Monday Morning Quarterback is it seems to be all about Caruso, and not the University. (In all honesty I've probably watched 4 of these over the last number of years) IMO the reason he does these sorts of things is to raise his profile and not the school. Why else would he lead the team on the field each game, at the front, arms locked with his players. Does he not realize he no longer plays. That is his prerogative and he doesn't have to answer to me. There just seems to be something contrived about him. Whether it's the ringing of the bell, locking arms with the team as they enter the field, MMQB, singing the UST fight song at the end of the game; it all seems designed to build up the coach whereas the players, assistant coaches and University are just pawns. It's simply not a style I enjoy.

SJURube-I couldn't have said it better---other than, it seems too contrived, hokey, and cheesy...which is typical for anybody pretty much from CST

[OzJohnnie]

On a tour of The USA, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the north country on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along a small Minnesota trail with lovely fall colors when there was an enormous commotion just off to the side. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed a Tommie struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of an enormous bear.  At that moment two Johnnies came rushing to the scene and one of them took aim and blasted the bear, immobilising it instantly. The other Johnnie pulled the Tommie from the fierce beast's jaws. The Johnnies bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Tommie into a truck along with the dead bear and prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the Pope.  The Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was a bitter rivalry between your schools, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that you are truly enlightened examples of cultural harmony and could serve as a model which other peoples could follow.”  He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, one Johnnie asked the other asked the other, “Who was that?”

“That,” the second Johnnie answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”

“Well,” The first replied, “he knows nothing about bear hunting. How’s that bait holding up?”

[SUMMIT!!!!!]

An SJU alum was trying to make fun of UST with recycled blonde jokes from the 80s, when all of the sudden...

LOL! we have a winner! and an actual original joke to yet!

maybe by retelling blonde jokes from the past the joke-tellers hope to recreate a mystique from the past? Sorry guys, Roney's gone and the new king of the hill doesnt get rattled by mystique

42-14.

EDIT---altho I gotta admit, OZ's deer bait joke cracked me up-- and Id never heard it before

[SUMMIT!!!!!]

Impressive!

http://www.totalprosports.com/2011/09/27/13-best-places-to-watch-college-football/

(thanks, ROR)

[sju56321]

I wonder why everyone is expecting a jumbo crowd tomorrow? SJU not real good and U$T doesn't draw well anyway. Add in the extra $$$$ for a ticket-but who knows. I would expect a jumbo crowd for U$T and Bethel.
I like that Pat thinks SJU has a chance-usually the other way around.
I just want to see improvement from SJU.

[tommiegun]

One foggy night a Johnnie was heading south and a Tommie was driving north. While crossing a narrow bridge they hit each other head-on, mangling
both cars.

The Tommie climbs out of his car and surveys the damage.

He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive.”

Likewise, the Johnnie gets out of his car uninjured. He, too, feels fortunate to have survived.

The Tommie walks over to the Johnnie and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”

The Johnnie thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”

The Johnnie pops open the trunk of his car and removes an undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Tommie, “I think this is another sign that we should toast to our newfound friendship.”

The Tommie agrees and grabs the bottle. After downing half the bottle, the Tommie hands the bottle back to the Johnnie and says, “Your turn.”

The Johnnie calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws it over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”

No wonder the Johnnies mascot is a rat, first off. Second, only a Johnnie would waste half a bottle of Jack!

[faunch]

I wonder why everyone is expecting a jumbo crowd tomorrow? SJU not real good and U$T doesn't draw well anyway. Add in the extra $$$$ for a ticket-but who knows. I would expect a jumbo crowd for U$T and Bethel.
I like that Pat thinks SJU has a chance-usually the other way around.
I just want to see improvement from SJU.

I tend to agree...we will soon see.

[BU Faithful]

Just getting caught up on the last few pages.  Many thanks to my Johnnie and Tommie friends for the laughs.  Good luck to both tomorrow.