FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[tmerton]

Blonde trying to sleep on a flight from new york to L.A. seated next to a lawyer. The lawyer is bored and trying to get conversation with the blonde.  She is not compliant. He finally says, "Let's play a game.  We ask each other riddles for $5, if I ask you a question you cannot answer, I get $5, and of course the reverse."  The blonde, not interested, again tries to sleep. 

The lawyer, not about to give in, finally says, "I'll tell you what, if I ask a question you cannot answer, I get $5, but if you ask a question I cannot answer, you'll get $500."

The blonde perks up.  The lawyer says, "What is the distance from earth to the moon?" The blonde gives him $5.  She then says, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"  The lawyer thinks about it then pulls out his laptop to check database. Next step, he plugs into the web via airplane phone, no results. He calls everyone he knows to search their minds and their databases.  Finally he gives up.  He wakes up the blonde and says "here's your $500."  She accepts, puts it in her purse and goes back to sleep.

He shakes her awake and says, "Well, what's the answer"? She reaches into her purse and hands him a five dollar bill.

[tmerton]

> >
> > Actual Dear Abby letters
> > >>             --------------------------
> > >>
> > >>         Dear Abby,
> > >>         My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old
> > >>         next month.  I'd like to give him something
> > >>         nice for his birthday. What do you think
> > >>         he'd like?
> > >>         Carol
> > >>         Dear Carol, Never mind what he'd like. Give
> > >>         him a tie.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>         Dear Abby,
> > >>         Our son was married in January. Five months
> > >>         later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl.
> > >>         They said the baby was premature. Tell me,
> > >>         can a baby this big be that early?
> > >>         Wondering
> > >>         Dear Wondering, The baby was on time, the
> > >>         wedding was late. Forget it.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>         Dear Abby,
> > >>         I have always wanted to have my family
> > >>         history traced, but I can't afford to spend
> > >>         a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
> > >>         Sam
> > >>         Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>         Dear Abby,
> > >>         I am forty-four years old and I would like
> > >>         to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
> > >>         Rose
> > >>         Dear Rose, So would I.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>         Dear Abby,
> > >>         What's the difference between a wife
> > >>         and a mistress?
> > >>         Bess
> > >>         Dear Bess, Night and day.

[Johnnie Red]

Good news for the Stiftungsfestivities for the 2006 season:

1. Even though I purchased the new used Buick Park Avenue, I am going to hold onto the `92 Buick Regal and make it into the tailgate vehicle. I know Duffman will be happy.

2. And now for the big news. I have signed up Buck `Rock n Roll Zumhofe for a novelty wrestling exhibition for the September 9 game when the Johnnies host River Falls. He will be putting on three matches. Starting time will be 11:00 a.m. and go to noon. This event will rock. Who knows, we might be able to get TDT and our esteemed webmaster to make an appearance and go at it once and for all.

As previously mentioned, I think we can also get a band that my nephew plays in to make an appearance at another home game.

This could be THE Stiftungsfestivities season of all-time and put us in the running for tailgate honors of the year in Division III.

[Pat Coleman]

Who knows, we might be able to get TDT and our esteemed webmaster to make an appearance and go at it once and for all.

If you find me a job in the Cities I would be glad to make an appearance. Haven't wrestled since high school gym class, though.

Seriously, though, I gotta get off the east coast.

[Willy Wonka]

The sad thing is, I see TDT enjoying wrestling another dude in spandex a little too much ala Will Farrell at the end of The Ladies Man. He'd fly up here for that in a heartbeat 

[janesvilleflash]

There is a door factory down here at Janesville, they are always looking for a knob.

[finsleft]

Good news for the Stiftungsfestivities for the 2006 season:
1. Even though I purchased the new used Buick Park Avenue, I am going to hold onto the `92 Buick Regal and make it into the tailgate vehicle. I know Duffman will be happy.
2. And now for the big news. I have signed up Buck `Rock n Roll Zumhofe for a novelty wrestling exhibition for the September 9 game when the Johnnies host River Falls. He will be putting on three matches. Starting time will be 11:00 a.m. and go to noon. This event will rock. Who knows, we might be able to get TDT and our esteemed webmaster to make an appearance and go at it once and for all.
As previously mentioned, I think we can also get a band that my nephew plays in to make an appearance at another home game.
This could be THE Stiftungsfestivities season of all-time and put us in the running for tailgate honors of the year in Division III.

That's all good news. The Buick Regrill will be here with Buck R & R Zumhofe?!?! Classic!
I'm also happy to report that the Stiftungsfestivities varsity squad is looking good for the upcoming season. After the first day of non-mandatory but NCAA sanctioned spring practice, the boys looked good for the first outing. The Eelpout Ale was polished off in fine fashion and a 30 pack of Hamm's was blown over like a Tommie D-line. The second 30 was opened but the boys seemed to tire a bit, to be expected after a soft winter of Leinenkugel and Miller Lite-only training. Veterans Veek and Frankrickard should be ready to take leadership roles in next season's Stiftoffense and look for ringer MB to make a statement. TDT was present via teleconference and polished off several half price pizzas and 15 Zimas for the spring opener. I'd say PC will have his hands full with that match-up.
Looking good for fall '06!

[Willy Wonka]

I'm disappointed I didn't receive a phone call. TDT called me at midnight gossipping like a little school girl after seeing her first, um, man-part. I finally had to pull the plug on his rambling after a 15 minute conversation in which I said about 7 words.

The bulk of talk revolved around Fins' horrible fantasy team, which required only nodding on my part, but that's beside the point.

[ritz72]

Damn it late!!

The joys of blood clots is giving myself injections at 2 am!   

Glad to hear the festivities went well fins, et al.  I'm hoping by September Ill be off the thinners and ready to rock and roll.....

Least I forget, I am still undefeated in the shotgunning arts (framed photo on my desk at school!

[finsleft]

I'm disappointed I didn't receive a phone call. TDT called me at midnight gossipping like a little school girl after seeing her first, um, man-part. I finally had to pull the plug on his rambling after a 15 minute conversation in which I said about 7 words.

The bulk of talk revolved around Fins' horrible fantasy team, which required only nodding on my part, but that's beside the point.

2nd to 10th place in one day? Good thing the season's still early. (I have six months to drop one more place) Hey, that's what happens when you let the computer do your picks.

[finsleft]

Damn it late!!

The joys of blood clots is giving myself injections at 2 am!   

Glad to hear the festivities went well fins, et al.  I'm hoping by September Ill be off the thinners and ready to rock and roll.....

Least I forget, I am still undefeated in the shotgunning arts (framed photo on my desk at school!

Too bad Doc said no travel. 
I guess I never knew your wife's name was Doc.

[Touchdown Tommy]

Well well well I see there were 8 daily updates on my whereabouts, goings on, etc. yesterday.  Some of it true, but most of it not.

Johnnie Red,

I would like to take on One Armed Scot in a Battle Royale at your event.  His 0-6 record last season in picking the Johnnies was inexcusable and will provide motivation for my domination.  Speaking of which, he sure has been mighty quiet.  I sometimes wonder if his wife has locked him in a cage during the rest of the year.

FYI: TDT did not have zimas last night, but rather 6 Yuengling lagers on tap at Stevie Tomato's SportsPage.  Simply a delicious brew (oldest in the country I believe) outta Pittsburgh PA.

Hey Ritzy,

Hang in there my man.  Your attendance will be mandatory at the golf outing this summer and you will be expected to drink your share of Hamm's.

fins: Can we get a report on what the cuisine was at the Spectrum last night?

Hey Veek: Did you properly stock the Denali for the trip to the fins Palace last night?  I would expect nothing less for the first day of spring practice.

[Touchdown Tommy]

I'm disappointed I didn't receive a phone call. TDT called me at midnight gossipping like a little school girl after seeing her first, um, man-part. I finally had to pull the plug on his rambling after a 15 minute conversation in which I said about 7 words.

The bulk of talk revolved around Fins' horrible fantasy team, which required only nodding on my part, but that's beside the point.

Harry don't believe a word of this.  I wholeheartedly believe your team is the sleeper of The Mayor's Cup.  Wonka is up to his usual antics of trying to stir controversy involving myself.

[Johnnie Red]

TDT, I will see if I can line up the match with OAS. It would be a classic, no doubt. I suppose we would have to call it a "non-conference" bout, since MAC is not a member of the MIAC for football.

I suppose I should run the Novelty wrestling match by the "rent-a-cops" and the powers that be in Collegeville so we don't have the event shut down. TDT, KR, Duffman, et al, do any of you have a great relationship with Mr. Laker? Let me know.

[Veek]

TDT - I offered to stock up the Denali but Fins declined as he had everything covered.  His Eelpout Ale was mighty delicious and the Hamm's were rolling down.  Good times were had by all.