FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[OzJohnnie]

A mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes.

He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "Go Tommies....." come out the guys butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor; "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs; "There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough:- "Go Tommies...." began to sound.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of ar$eholes chant those words."

[Retired Old Rat]

I find the obsession with karma and calling out Johnnie posters for being so mean quite humorous.

CT, based on the way you've come across on this board I think most of us, Johnnie and Tommie alike, will be avoiding you.

BTW, tailgating has been moved to the parking lot at Town and Country.  There's a shuttle to the game.

[OzJohnnie]

Passing an office building late one night, a Tommie supporter saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," the watchman snarled at the Tommie, "what do you want?"

"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"

[Mr.MIAC]

UPDATE: Coach Gary Fasching, in response to a flurry of negative (and apparently profane, though this author missed that one) comments on a popular DIII forum, is taking proactive measures to ensure that SJU's morale remains high going into the weekend game.  He's directed all players to don earmuffs until game time just incase the banter becomes too severe.  For SJU alumni and friends who'd like to follow suit, a demonstrative aid can be found below (Note: there's a small amount of cursing):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=0Itn75dEorU

[bennie]

A man is sitting at a park bench when another man sits next to him and they engage in conversation. Shortly after, the second man says, "So, I bet you're a Tommie fan." The first man says enthusiastically, "Why yes I am. How did you know? My intelligence? My wit? My good looks?" The second fellow says, "No. I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."

[faunch]

I find the obsession with karma and calling out Johnnie posters for being so mean quite humorous.

CT, based on the way you've come across on this board I think most of us, Johnnie and Tommie alike, will be avoiding you.

BTW, tailgating has been moved to the parking lot at Town and Country.  There's a shuttle to the game.

RV's are encouraged...porta potties will be provided!!!

[bennie]

What do you call a genius sitting in the Tommie student section?

Visitor.

[OzJohnnie]

A blind guy walks into a bar and sits at the bar, after a while he starts chatting to the bartender and he says, "Hey I've got the funniest joke about Tommies."

The bartender says, "I'll stop you there, mate.  Obviously you can't see but I'm a semi-pro kicker boxer, just doing bar work until I get a few more wins under my belt; the bloke sitting next to you, he's a mate of mine from kick boxing; and the two bouncers by the door, who are in ear shot, they are both power lifters and Karate black belts. Now all four of us are Tommies. With that in mind do you really want to tell your joke?"

The blind guy thinks about it for a second and says, "No way, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times."

[bennie]

A woman was walking through her new house with the contractor. As they walked through rooms, she told him what color she wanted him to paint each room. In the bedroom she said, "I think this would be nice in a cream." The contractor stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" This perplexed the woman. They moved to the living room and she said, " I would love rose in this area." Again the contractor strolled over to the window and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" Again the woman was confused but did not say anything. As they walked into the kitchen she proudly announced that she wanted this room to be, "a glorious shade of mauve." Once again the contractor went to the window and yelled,"GREEN SIDE UP!" Finally she could not stand this anymore. "What are you shouting GREEN SIDE UP out every window of this house?" He replied,"I'm sorry. I have a crew of Tommie alums laying sod across the street."

[FearTheEar]

Is Olaf losing to Luther a big upset or are the Oles down this year?

It's still early, but I'm reading it as signs the Oles are down. They struggled with Northwestern and lost to a team that lost to Presentation. Presentation typically beats the Waldorfs and Trinity Bibles of the world and loses to everyone else.

It is a rivalry game. So there's that. But I tend to think (unfortunately) this was more an indication of the direction St. Olaf is trending than signs of improvement from Luther (again, see week 1 results for both).

Well it should be a good atmosphere in the FM area....Im thinking GameDay might make a pit stop to see the Troll??? 

.....if they can get through the sea of green and gold.

[bennie]

A ventriloquist is working in St.Paul and during his show a Tommie fan stands up and yells,"HEY YOU! ONSTAGE! You been making smart-a$$ remarks about us Tommies being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" -"Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"- "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The Tommie replied. "I'm talking to that little jerk sitting on your knee!"

[MadRedFan]

I've resisted getting into the ChicagoTommie spat.  I'm a Chicago guy myself, and know plenty of guys as "well spoken" as CT.   I'm not a Johnnie, just married to a Bennie, and we both enjoy game day at the natural bowl.  I'm not on this board to call out Tommies or Augies or anyone else, and I really just skip over the "back and forth" as much as possible.  I'm mostly interested in talking about the games and players.

That said, I'm looking at three definitions of "banter", or really definitions from three sources, and I'm not seeing most of what CT posts as "banter": Supple term used to describe activities or chat that is playful, intelligent and original; to speak to or address in a witty and teasing manner; light teasing remarks: lighthearted teasing or amusing remarks that are exchanged between people.

I'm not seeing much intelligence, original, wit, or lighthearted.  Teasing yes, possibly playful, but more often blunt and ""

Anyway, I just want to get my thoughts off my chest.  I'll be glad when this weekend passes and we can get back to "normal banter"   

[Pat Coleman]

Today during the Q and A with Coach Fasching I asked about video webcasts of games:
Gary's response (not terribly promising BTW...I think they're missing out on a huge opportunity):
Gary Fasching: I know this question has come up often with our great fans, this is the decision of our Administration. I have talked with them about it, and this is the route that they want to go. I don't know enough about the impact this would have on our attendance. Maybe some day this will change, but for now, the decision has been made.

This is disappointing.

[bennie]

Q: How do Tommie brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What did the Tommie cheerleader say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

Two Tommie football players are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second Tommie says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Tommie hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

[GoldandBlueBU]

Today during the Q and A with Coach Fasching I asked about video webcasts of games:
Gary's response (not terribly promising BTW...I think they're missing out on a huge opportunity):
Gary Fasching: I know this question has come up often with our great fans, this is the decision of our Administration. I have talked with them about it, and this is the route that they want to go. I don't know enough about the impact this would have on our attendance. Maybe some day this will change, but for now, the decision has been made.

This is disappointing.

It surprises me that they aren't even willing to try it on a limited basis....say 2 or 3 games, which would allow them to see if it materially impacted their gate receipts?