FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[finsleft]

I wasn't interested in the original, but this looks promising...

I assume this will be premiering at the Paramount.  Has the date
and time been set?  I think the last movie I saw at the Paramount
was Rocky.  I think we were drinking Hamms.  Might have been Pfeiffer.
Hamms was expensive for a college kid back then.

Whatever it takes to get you to visit the Granite City.

And for you prospective Dean candidates out there...
http://www.csbsju.edu/humanresources/employment-opportunities/sju2006/Dean_of_Students0206.htm

TDT, get your resume ready.

[finsleft]

Fins - Wonka cannot tell a lie.

Just did.

[tmerton]

>
>    An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin, ordered three pints of Guinness
>and sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
>When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.
>The bartender said," you know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would
>be taste better if you bought one at a time."
>    The Irishman replied, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers.  One is in
>America, the other in Australia and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left
>home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the day when we
>drank together."
>    The bartender admitted that this was a nice custom and left it at that. The
>Irishman became a regular in the bar and always drank the same way, he
>ordered three pints and drank them in turn.
>    One day, he came in and ordered two pints. All the other regulars noticed
>and fell silent. When he came back to the bar for the second round, the
>bartender said, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
>offer my condolences on your great loss"
>    The Irishman looked confused for a moment, then a light dawned in his eye
>and he laughed. " Oh, no," he said, "Everyone's fine.  I've just quit drinking
>for Lent."

[DuffMan]

You can get a doctorate preferred in college student personnel?  Who'd have thunk it?

Will the Rat Pack be cool again with the departure of Dean Laker?  Will their double secret probation finally come to an end?

[tmerton]

 Another Old Golfer

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."

"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why
don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested
Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight.  He could watch your ball," Tracy
pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on.  Jack swung, and
the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.  "Do you see
it?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot."

[finsleft]

Long as we're talking golf, you fellas ought to know about the new rules for this year. Should improve your scores.


                                  2006 Golf Rule Book Changes                         

Rule 1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The player should not be penalized for uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.

Rule 2. A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3. There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging him or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4. If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than six inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6. There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf club owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7. There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. That they do not is a technical problem that manufacturers have yet to overcome.  Golfers should not be punished for manufacturers shortcomings.

Rule 8. Advertisements proclaim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new clubs, balls, shoes etc. Since this is financially impossible for the average Golfer, 1/2 a stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

[sumander]

Top 10 things in law that sound dirty but aren't:

10 Have you looked through her briefs yet?
9 He is one hard judge.
8 Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7 Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6 Is it a penal offense?
5 Better leave the handcuffs on.
4 For $200 an hour, she better be good.
3 Can you get her to drop her suit?
2 The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

and the #1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:

1. Think you can get me off?

[janesvilleflash]

A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow, she said, "there had better be something in our driveway that I can make go from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday...

[tmerton]

Long as we're talking golf, you fellas ought to know about the new rules for this year. Should improve your scores.

                                  2006 Golf Rule Book Changes                         

Rule 1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The player should not be penalized for uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.

Rule 2. A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3. There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging him or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4. If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than six inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6. There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf club owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7. There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. That they do not is a technical problem that manufacturers have yet to overcome.  Golfers should not be punished for manufacturers shortcomings.

Rule 8. Advertisements proclaim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new clubs, balls, shoes etc. Since this is financially impossible for the average Golfer, 1/2 a stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

Great changes, Fins.  I especially appreciate the restraint shown in Rule 5. 

One of my partners is hand carrying these down to Torrey Pines for use this weekend.

[Kilted Rat]

Flash,
Thanks for helping my snarf milk out my nose.... feels great

[johnnyadmit]

Flash,
Thanks for helping my snarf milk out my nose.... feels great

KR-My question about snarfing food:  Why is it that you and the LLPP fellas are constantly eating or drinking at the computer?  I have a feeling next time I lay eyes on you, you'll be pushin 3 bills!! 

[Kilted Rat]

I am usually in lab, TAing, working out, or studying at school during the afternoon. I check PP when I get home while eating dinner.


You're always sitting at your desk in school when you're on PP, why aren't you teaching? I bet your kids' ACT scores are gonna be pushing double digits

[johnnyadmit]

I am usually in lab, TAing, working out, or studying at school during the afternoon. I check PP when I get home while eating dinner.


You're always sitting at your desk in school when you're on PP, why aren't you teaching? I bet your kids' ACT scores are gonna be pushing double digits

Nah, I do it during lab- and they've got their goggles on, so in the event of an explosion, their foreheads will be safe!!  (It's unbelievably tough to enforce rules you hated when you were in their position!!    especially when you're playing with harmless chemicals-damn safety codes!) 
Plus, my computer is in my classroom, so I can make it look like I care-one of my kids just hit a 34, bringing the class average to a lofty 10.8!

[Kilted Rat]

one of my kids just hit a 34

You sure that wasn't a SAT score?

[johnnyadmit]

one of my kids just hit a 34

You sure that wasn't a SAT score?

We don't believe in that crap here in the upper midwest!  We save the SAT for those Eastern, Western, and Southern schools!!