FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[Redtooth]

Tmerts,

If you still live in the Bay area, there is another Dean and Kathy Taylor couple.  Dean was the long-time Head Coach at Sartell (Duff's former playground) that joined the SJU coaching staff in 1999.  If you have been to a game, he is the coach on the sidelines missing an arm (lost to cancer).  He and Kathy are great folks.

Wildcat......#2 in none other than Blake Elliott

[finsleft]

[BDB]

 
A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call". So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my giraffe." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the giraffe falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe." 

[57Johnnie]

You are correct Duff.

Your cousins and 57 are educated of the same cloth.  8)

Oh Oh   

Didn't the McEducation at McDonnell work out ok for you 57? 

Could not have been better. 
We did not have a single case of ADD  -  Daydreaming was not allowed. 

[finsleft]

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call". So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my giraffe." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the giraffe falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe." 

That's a good one, BDB, but see post #40589. Oz beat you to it.

[OzJohnnie]

That's a good one, BDB, but see post #40589. Oz beat you to it.

But his telling was much funnier.

[OzJohnnie]

The cheeseheads are back doing the "How would SJU do in the WIAC?" exercise again.  Since they finally beat MUC, the Raiders have been tossed into the mix.

It has the feel of a Star Trek convention...

"There's no way the Romulans could stand up to a Klingon in a fair fight *snigger snigger*"

[Kilted Rat]

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar.

The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink.

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey, between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"

[Mr.Shoes]

KR wins the giraffe joke derby.

* * * * * * * *

Q: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open the fridge, remove the giraffe, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: The Lion King organized a party for the animals: all the animals are present but one. Which one?
A: The elephant. The elephant is in the fridge.

Q: You have to cross a river, but it is populated by alligators. What are you going to do?
A: Swim across the river. All the alligators are at the party.

[tmerton]

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar.

The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink.

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey, between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"

+k, KR - that's the first joke posted here in the last few days that I haven't heard in a couple of years.  Good on you.

You other guys have to get some new material.

[Mr.Shoes]

More groaners for tmerton...

Q: What's red and shaped like a bucket?
A: A red bucket.

Q: What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table.

Q: What do a plum and an elephant have in common?
A: They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros!

Q: What's green and has wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

[OzJohnnie]

As I've run out of giraffe humor, I'm left with making fun of New Zealanders...


A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."

The clerk behind the desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

[OzJohnnie]

There are more sheep in New Zealand than people.  A common joke is that a Kiwi calls hid dad daa-a-a-a-a-d.  Understanding that and knowing that Niw Zulunder's have what Aussies believe to be the most ear gratingly unpleasant accent (closely followed by Seth Efrikins), here's a second joke:

An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a sheep.

The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.

He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!"

The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHEARING this with no one!"

[OzJohnnie]

And I'll finish this joke posting blitz with a good old fashioned Tommie joke:

A lion in the Apple Valley Zoo is sitting there licking it's hole.
A visiting Johnnie says, "He doesn't look very vicious to me."
"Well he is." Says the zoo keeper, "he just grabbed a Tommie, pulled him through the fence and ate him all up."
"Is that right?" says the Johnnie, "he seems pretty casual, why is he licking his arse?"
The zoo keeper replies, "He's trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth."

[BDB]

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call". So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my giraffe." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the giraffe falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe." 

That's a good one, BDB, but see post #40589. Oz beat you to it.

Dammit. I was 1 yard short of a first down all day.