FB: Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

[Kilted Rat]

RE: Beer as an investment

But you might consider saving the empties - my crude calculations came out to about 5.9 cents per empty aluminum can!  Sneak in a bit of extra water weight, and you might be close to $2 per case at the salvage yard!

In Iowa you have to feed the cans 1 at a time into a UPC reading machine that confirms the cans were bought in Iowa, so that wouldn't work. However there are places that still hand count the cans, so you can bring in cans bought in Minnesota (with no deposit paid) and get $0.05 each!

So here's tonight's math problem:
How many cans of Hamm's does KR need to bring back from a Stiffyfest at $0.05 per can to break even on gas if it's 320 miles each way to SJU and back from Des Moines if he drives a sweet 1997 Cavalier that gets 33mpg highway?

Winner gets +k as soon as I can give it again

KR writes: "Think they can gamma knife the liberal out of your brain ..."  AHA!  My suspicion that conservatives were guys who'd had lobotomies is confirmed!

I will drop the politics and merely stand by the following quote: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!"

The liberal is not only in my brain, but my heart and my soul.   8)

I have asked if they could shoot a little extra radiation at that part of my brain that makes me hungry all the time.  No can do. 

Then why does it always smell like $#!* when it spews forth? 

As far as the hungry part, you don't wanna go messing with your hypothalamus or you'll end up with temperature regulation issues and basically experience menopause.

[snoop dawg]

ROR       God bless you and good luck.  I will say an extra prayer for you today.

[Retired Old Rat]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, prayers and good wishes.

Please return to your regularly scheduled program.  I'm getting a little self conscious.   

I must say, this tumor thing has been good for my karma.

[finsleft]

I'll do the best I can on photos.  I'll have to bribe the nurses to shoot some photos.

How about photos of the nurses?

So here's tonight's math problem:
How many cans of Hamm's does KR need to bring back from a Stiffyfest at $0.05 per can to break even on gas if it's 320 miles each way to SJU and back from Des Moines if he drives a sweet 1997 Cavalier that gets 33mpg highway?

All of them.

[Mr. Ypsi]

KR, too easy (except you omitted some crucial facts)! 

A 640 mile round trip at 33 mpg (since you gave no other info, I have to assume all highway) means 19.3939 ... gallons.  You didn't say what gas stations are gouging you for these days, so I'll use $3.249 (what I paid yesterday): $63.01.  So 1260 cans leaves you just a penny short.  (Go ahead and get 53 cases; then you're up 59 cents!  Though the extra weight may hurt your gas mileage; better make it 55 cases! ) 

Deposit in Michigan is 10 cents instead of 5, but being at least twice as far, you'd lose!

ROR, good luck to you - we liberals are an endangered species on football boards!

[Pat Coleman]

I was just amazed that Ypsi had 22 empties sitting around to weigh.

ROR -- I know Ryan has already given our official well wishes but I want to pass mine along as well. Good luck!

[Mr. Ypsi]

I was just amazed that Ypsi had 22 empties sitting around to weigh.

ROR -- I know Ryan has already given our official well wishes but I want to pass mine along as well. Good luck!

I cheated - I only used 6 (came to 4.4 ozs), then extrapolated!  [I 'confess' that I had more than 22 available, but it's a pretty small scale! ]

[janesvilleflash]

Good grief! I'm sorry I posted that joke. Go ahead and buy Enron, WorldCom, and Delta. I'll drink the beer and throw out the empties.

[janesvilleflash]

I'm thinking retagent may have trained this pair before he retired.

[Mr. Ypsi]

Good grief! I'm sorry I posted that joke. Go ahead and buy Enron, WorldCom, and Delta. I'll drink the beer and throw out the empties.

Aw, you're just jealous that I get KR's +k for the math problem!

And if you can find a salvage yard offering even close to $1 a pound for aluminum, save those empties!  At the rate some of you guys claim to drink, you're lookin' at $400-500 a year, eventually a good down down payment on a liver transplant!

[Johnnie Red]

ROR, all the best with the surgery this Thursday at Mayo. I would strongly suggest that you turn on NBC at 8:00 p.m. Thursday evening while you are recovering and watch "My Name is Earl." A very special episode since Paris Hilton will be making an appearance!

[footballfan413]

The best of luck to you, ROR, on your surgery!  You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
You boys may have seen this already somewhere but if not, I thought you would get a chuckle out of it. 

There is NO uninstalling once you upgrade to.... 
   Dear Tech Support:   

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 .. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 .. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

[Rugman]

Good grief! I'm sorry I posted that joke. Go ahead and buy Enron, WorldCom, and Delta. I'll drink the beer and throw out the empties.

Flash, I think we were just curious as to whether you were using sound mathematics or just in another one of your drunken delusions.

[Knightstalker]

Guys, I think this was meant as a means of explaining beer as an investment to women and other persons who don't think and/or do math as much or a well as we do. Take it at face value and drink your damn beers and quit thinking so damn much!

Now, if women really can't do math as well as us and we know the airspeed of a coconut laden swallow, then....

Is that an African or European swallow?

[janesvilleflash]

Just occurred to me, aren't gamma rays the ones that caused David Banner to turn into the Incredible Hulk? Remind me not to piss off ROR this fall!